Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
