I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
