My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
