ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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