I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
