the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
