i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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