had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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