Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
