Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
