I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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