I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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