I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
