Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
