You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
