i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
