It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
