One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
