I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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