I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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