My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
