I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
