Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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