Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
