it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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