____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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