I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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