My first STD was from a foam party
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
