So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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