I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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