you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
