i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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