You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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