it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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