Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
