The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
