Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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