Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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