just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
