dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
