soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
did you just send me my own nude
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
