I just pynch a tree in the face
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had sex on a roof
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
