I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
last night I used snow as a chaser
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