he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
