drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
