I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
