I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
