if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
