barbara walters just said penis...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
