I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
