I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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